Our New Home is What We Offer, What I Carry is a Blue Back Pack (part 3 of 8)

When our attention is a pilgrim in a nightmare. And Good News is our only shepherd. When we need somewhere for our attention to go. When the pilgrim of our attention  must be gently yoked and harnessed to this Good News by His own Spirit, led out of bad things through hard things, toward all the good things Christ Himself is, and the small good things we offer in His Name. 

When we share in the atoning work of Christ’s own life by this Good News. When a simple rhythm of scripture, prayer, and friends is our life with this Good News. 

To receive this Good News and trust in Him by His Gospel,

To stay with this Good News and trust Him with things through His Spirit, 

To work with this Good News and entrust ourselves to each other in His Name. 

That simple rhythm of scripture, prayer, and friends, that simple life with this Good News,  is the only way I know to not be swallowed whole by pride and lies, the only way to not be swallowed whole by the great white whale of  pride and lies. All those  bad things. 

But even without all the bad things called  pride and lies to swallow me whole, there is still all those hard things. There is still the matter of trouble and loss. All the Ocean of all those  hard things. 

Some of those hard things are very clearly OCD, but others are harder to hear and know. 

I often say the hardest feeling is the one that says it’s over.  It’s a feeling I get as pilgrim in this nightmare, the feeling that says  “it’s all done, it’s all over, it’s all too much, and we’re not going to make it,” I’ve learned to recognize in the havoc of headspace, as the voice of depression, the experience of depression. And I’ve learned to separate it from the sound of OCD (my first book), grief and trauma (my second).

Perhaps if there is something bold this book has to say it is how Good News of the atoning work of Christ gradually frees and leads our attention. Out of bad things, through hard things, toward all the good things Christ Himself is and the few small things we offer in His Name.  

Out of the Whale called pride and lies

Through an Ocean called trouble and loss 

To a Table called all the good things Christ Himself and the small good things we offer in His Name. 

It is a book on how attention has often felt like a way through depression. A way past the hardest feeling.  A way past how I often feel and what can always happen.

When our attention is a pilgrim in a nightmare. And Good News is our only shepherd.  When we need somewhere for our attention to go. When the pilgrim of our attention  must be gently yoked and harnessed to this Good News by His own Spirit, led out of bad things through hard things, toward all the good things Christ Himself is, and the small good things we offer in His Name. 

When we share in the atoning work of Christ’s own life by this Good News. And when a simple rhythm of scripture, prayer, and friends is our life with this Good News.

In those moments–when what I’m met with is the hardest feeling —life feels unmanageable, impossible, insurmountable,  and unbearable. When the hardest feeling says “it’s all done, it’s all over, it’s all too much, and we’re not going to make it,” it  feels final. So final that I’ve learned to call the hardest feelings The Crushing.  And the Crushing crushes our attention. When the Whale swallows our attention, and the Ocean crushes it 

I tell people you can’t beat a feeling like that, don’t just get to conquer a feeling like that, or just make it go away. I tell myself, tell others, you don’t get to beat a feeling like that you only gradually walk past it with the attention He frees and leads. And I only get to gradually walk past it with that simple rhythm of scripture, prayer, and friends, only get to gradually walk past it with  that simple life with this Good News. As I attend to the things that free my attention. 

That is what I think I mean when I say that this simple rhythm of scripture, prayer is my hope. That is: it is how I’m gradually able to pay attention.  Of course, what I mean is that Christ is my hope, that the atoning work of Christ’s own life is my only hope. But we share in this atoning work of Christ by this Good News. And scripture, prayer, and friends is my life with this Good News, how we receive, stay, and work with this Good News.  

When the atoning work of Christ gradually frees and leads our attention. And the attention He frees and leads is the only way past the Crushing. As we slowly make our way back to such small things. 

When the hardest feelings are still there, and our new home is what we offer. 

When Good News is the only way forward.  And only the next thing defeats that feeling. And only simple rhythms  give us what’s next. 

When our attention is a pilgrim in a nightmare. And Good News is our only shepherd. When we need somewhere for our attention to go. When the pilgrim of our attention  must be gently yoked and harnessed to this Good News by His own Spirit, led out of bad things through hard things, toward all the good things Christ Himself is, and the small good things we offer in His Name. 

When we share in the atoning work of Christ’s own life by this Good News. When simple rhythm of scripture, prayer, and friends is our life with this Good News. 

When the  atoning work of Christ gradually frees and leads our attention. And attention He frees and leads  is the only way past the Crushing, only way through the Ocean. As we make our way back to such small things.  When the hardest feelings are all still there and our new home is what we offer.

I need to know in the middle of the darkest moments and the hardest feelings that I am still able to pay attention, or better, that my attention has a shepherd.  That my attention has somewhere to go. That Good News is its only shepherd. That the atoning work of Christ  gradually frees and leads my attention, out of bad things, through hard things, toward all good things Christ Himself is and the small good  things we offer in His Name, reminding me that one day I’ll eventually be able to pay attention. 

Right there in the middle of the darkest moments and the hardest feelings,  you come to know you can’t make things right, that there is no way to ever make things right, but that there must be someone else who has. That there is no way to make it right,  you  can only share in the life of the one who has. 

I’ve said the hardest feeling is the one that says it’s over. And this is what I’ve learned to say to that feeling: 

“You’re right, Mr. Hardest Feeling, life is unbearable, unmanageable. And the way is blocked and it is all over, except for our share in Christ’s own life. And we share in that life by  this Good News. When the Good News of the atoning work of Christ is our only shepherd. When the atoning work of Christ   gradually frees and leads our attention, and the attention He frees and leads is the only way past YOU, mr. Hardest Feeling.  As we slowly make our way back to such small things. 

And I say all that, not with better feelings or better situations, but with that simple rhythm of scripture, prayer, and friends. And I say it with a  simple life with this Good News.  I say it with the attention He frees and leads.  I say it with my hope.  Because the atoning work of Christ’s own life is my hope. Because is share in the atoning work of Christ’s own life by this Good News. Because a simple rhythm of scripture, prayer, and friends is my life with this Good News. 

Because that simple rhythm of scripture, prayer, and friends is my hope. It is the baseline of my life in Christ,  the thing that  makes it so I’m gradually able to pay attention. 

When Good News is the only way forward. And only the next thing defeats that feeling. And only simple rhythms give us what’s next. 

And I say that, and call its bluff, and walk on past the darkest moments and the hardest feelings  with the attention He frees and the attention He leads. 

When our attention is a pilgrim in a nightmare. And Good News is our only shepherd. When we need somewhere for our attention to go. When the pilgrim of our attention  must be gently yoked and harnessed to this Good News by His own Spirit, led out of bad things through hard things, toward all the good things Christ Himself is, and the small good things we offer in His Name.

When we share in the atoning work of Christ’s own life  by this Good News. And when  a simple rhythm of scripture, prayer, and friends is our life with this Good News. 

When the atoning work of Christ gradually frees and leads our attention. And the attention He frees and leads is the only thing way past the Crushing. Only way through the Ocean. As we slowly make our way back to such small things. As we make our way past it with these simple rhythms, simple rhythms of scripture, prayer, and friends.